The Power Is in Your Hands

Overview

The hands are the most important tools in human evolution, and there are more connections between the brain and the hands than between any other body parts. Yet few people consider how their hands behave or how they shake hands when meeting someone. Those first five to seven pumps establish whether dominance, submission, or power plays will take place.

This topic isolates two channels of hand signaling. The first is the palm: throughout history the open palm has been associated with truth, honesty, allegiance, and submission — just as a dog exposes its throat to show surrender, humans show their palms to signal they are unarmed and not a threat. Palm orientation also carries silent authority, producing three distinct command gestures.

The second channel is the handshake. A relic of ancient weapon-checking rituals, the modern handshake transmits one of three subconscious attitudes — dominance, submission, or equality — in the first moments of contact. This topic catalogs the dominant and submissive handshakes, the techniques for restoring equality and building rapport, the two-handed "controlling" handshakes, the left-side positional advantage, and a taxonomy of the world's eight worst handshakes with their credibility ratings.

Key takeaways

Mental model

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Palm signals: openness and honesty

How to detect openness

When people want to be open or honest, they often hold one or both palms toward the other person while saying things like "I didn't do it" or "I'm telling you the truth." Exposing all or part of the palms is a largely unconscious gesture that gives the observer an intuitive feeling the other person is being truthful.

The reverse holds too. Children who are lying or concealing something hide their palms behind their backs. A man hiding his whereabouts may bury his palms in his pockets or fold them into a crossed-arms position — and the hidden palms can give the listener an intuitive sense he is not telling the truth. Salespeople are taught to watch for a customer's exposed palms when he gives objections: valid reasons usually come with visible palms, whereas the same words delivered with concealed hands suggest the reasons are not genuine. Keeping the hands in the pockets is a favorite ploy of men who don't want to participate in a conversation — the palms originally did more "talking" than any other body part, so putting them away is the body-language equivalent of keeping one's mouth shut.

Intentional use of the palms to deceive

Telling an outright lie with the palms exposed will not reliably make people believe you, because the other gestures that should accompany honesty are absent and the negative gestures of lying still leak through, appearing incongruent with the open palms. Con artists and professional liars succeed precisely because they have developed the art of making their nonverbal signals complement their verbal lies — the better a con artist mimics the body language of honesty, the more effective the deception.

The law of cause and effect

Practicing open-palm gestures makes a person appear more credible, and — interestingly — as the open-palm habit takes hold, the tendency to tell untruths diminishes. Gestures and emotions are directly linked: if you feel defensive you cross your arms, but if you simply cross your arms you begin to feel defensive. Most people find it difficult to lie convincingly with their palms exposed. Talking with your palms exposed also pressures the other person to be truthful, helping suppress false information and encouraging openness.

Palm power: the three command gestures

There are three main palm command gestures. Hold the words, tone, and facial expression constant, change only the palm, and you change how the request is received.

| Palm position | Signal | Effect on the receiver | | --- | --- | --- | | Palm-Up | Submissive, nonthreatening (like a beggar's plea; shows no weapons) | Feels no pressure; unlikely to feel threatened; works as a "handover" cue inviting someone to talk | | Palm-Down | Authority, control | Senses an order; may feel antagonistic; accepted from a superior, resisted from an equal | | Palm-Closed-Finger-Pointed | A symbolic club; precedes a primal overarm blow | One of the most annoying gestures; evokes negative feelings and lowers recall |

Palm-Up and Palm-Down

The palm-up gesture, modified over centuries, gave rise to the Single-Palm-Raised-in-the-Air and the Palm-Over-the-Heart. Turning the palm to face downward projects immediate authority. The Nazi salute was the palm-down gesture taken to its extreme — the symbol of power and tyranny under the Third Reich; the same salute given palm-up would have drawn laughter rather than fear. The dynamic plays out in everyday life: among couples walking hand in hand, the dominant partner walks slightly ahead with the palm facing backward while the other's palm faces forward — instantly revealing who leads.

The pointing finger

The Palm-Closed-Finger-Pointed gesture is a fist with the index finger used like a club, figuratively beating listeners into submission. It subconsciously evokes negative feelings because it mimics a right overarm blow used in primate attacks. In Malaysia and the Philippines, finger-pointing at a person is an insult reserved for pointing at animals; Malaysians point with the thumb instead.

The audience experiment

Eight lecturers each delivered ten-minute talks using each of the three gestures, and audience attitudes were recorded:

| Gesture | Positive testimonials | Notes | | --- | --- | --- | | Palm-Up | 84% | Most relaxed, positive atmosphere | | Palm-Down | 52% | Same talk, cooler reception | | Finger-Pointed | 28% | Lowest recall; some audience members walked out |

Finger-pointing not only drew the fewest positive responses but also reduced how much listeners could recall — when pointed at directly, delegates became preoccupied with judging the speaker rather than absorbing the content. A useful substitute is the Fingertip-Touch: squeezing the fingertips against the thumb in an "OK"-type gesture comes across as authoritative but not aggressive. Audiences described Fingertip-Touch speakers as "thoughtful," "goal-oriented," and "focused," while Finger-Pointed speakers were called "aggressive," "belligerent," and "rude."

The handshake: origins and the three transmitted attitudes

A relic of weapon-checking

Shaking hands descends from ancient greetings in which tribes held their arms out with palms exposed to show no weapons were concealed. In Roman times, where a dagger was often hidden in the sleeve, greeters developed the Lower-Arm-Grasp to check for concealed weapons. The modern interlocking-palm form arose in the nineteenth century to seal commercial deals between men of equal status and became widespread only in the last hundred years, remaining largely male until recent decades. Even in Japan (bowing) and Thailand (the Wai, a prayer-like gesture), the handshake is now widely seen. Hands are typically pumped five to seven times; Germans pump two or three times plus a hold equal to two extra pumps, and the French shake on both greeting and departure.

Who should reach first?

A handshake signals trust and welcome, so initiating one is not always appropriate. Salespeople calling unannounced are taught that initiating a handshake can backfire, because the buyer may feel forced — better to wait, and if no hand is offered, use a small head-nod. In many Muslim countries, shaking hands with a woman is considered rude and a head-nod is preferred. Elsewhere, women who initiate a firm handshake are rated as more open-minded and make better first impressions.

The three attitudes

On meeting someone for the first time, a handshake subconsciously transmits one of three attitudes, each with immediate impact on the meeting's outcome:

• Dominance — "He is trying to dominate me. I'd better be cautious."
• Submission — "I can dominate this person. He'll do what I want."
• Equality — "I feel comfortable with this person."

Dominance, submission, and equality in the grip

The dominant handshake

In Roman times, two leaders greeted with a standing version of arm wrestling; the stronger leader's hand finished above the other's, giving the Upper-Hand position. Dominance is transmitted by turning your hand so the palm faces down in the shake. The palm need not face directly down — being the Upper Hand is enough to communicate a wish to control the encounter.

A study of 350 senior management executives (89% men) found that almost all initiated the handshake, and 88% of men but only 31% of women used the dominant palm-down position — power and control issues are generally less pressing for women. Some women give men a soft handshake socially to imply submissiveness or highlight femininity, but in business this is disastrous: men attend to feminine qualities and stop taking the woman seriously. The remedy is not to act masculine, but to avoid signals of femaleness such as soft handshakes, short skirts, and high heels when equal credibility is the goal. A 2001 University of Alabama study by William Chaplin found extroverts use firm handshakes while shy, neurotic personalities do not; women open to new ideas used firm handshakes, while men's grips stayed constant regardless — so firmer handshaking makes good business sense for women, especially with men.

The submissive handshake

The submissive handshake offers the hand palm-up, symbolically giving the other person the Upper Hand — like a dog exposing its throat to a superior. It is useful when you want to give the other person control or let him feel in charge, such as when making an apology. Read the context, though: arthritis sufferers are forced into a limp, easily-turned handshake, and people who use their hands professionally — surgeons, artists, musicians — may offer a limp grip purely to protect their hands. The gesture cluster that follows the handshake clarifies the reading: a genuinely submissive person uses more submissive gestures, a dominant person more assertive ones.

How to create equality

When two dominant people shake, a symbolic power struggle occurs as each tries to turn the other's palm into the submissive position. The result is a vise-like handshake with both palms vertical, producing a feeling of equality and mutual respect because neither will yield.

How to create rapport

Two ingredients build rapport in a handshake:

1. Keep both palms vertical so neither person is dominant or submissive.
2. Match the pressure you receive. On a firmness scale of 1–10, if your handshake is a 7 and theirs a 5, back off about 20%; if theirs is a 9 and yours a 7, increase by about 20%.

Meeting a group of ten people may require several adjustments of angle and intensity to stay on equal footing with each. Allow for physiology: the average male hand can exert roughly twice the power of the average female hand, with a grip up to 100 pounds. Because the handshake evolved to say hello, say goodbye, or seal an agreement, it should always stay warm, friendly, and positive.

Disarming a power player

The Palm-Down Thrust is the most aggressive handshake — reminiscent of the Nazi salute — because the stiff arm with palm facing down forces the receiver into submission and offers little chance of equality. Two counters:

1. The Step-to-the-Right Technique. Most people (about 90%) step forward on the right foot when shaking with the right hand, which leaves little room and lets a dominant grip take hold. Instead, step forward with your left foot as you reach to shake, then bring your right leg across in front of the other person into his personal space, and finally bring your left leg across to complete the move. This lets you straighten the handshake — or even turn it into the submissive position — and is the equivalent of winning an arm-wrestling bout while invading his space.
2. The Hand-on-Top Technique. When presented with a Palm-Down Thrust, respond palm-up, then place your left hand over his right to form a Double-Hander and straighten the shake. This switches the power to you and is much easier for women to use. As a last resort against someone who repeatedly tries to intimidate, grasp his hand on top and then shake — a move that can shock a power player, so use it selectively.

The cold, clammy handshake

Tension at meeting a stranger diverts blood away from the cells below the outer skin layer of the hands (the dermis) toward the arm and leg muscles for fight-or-flight. The hands lose temperature and begin to sweat, producing a handshake that feels like a wet salmon. Carry a handkerchief to dry the palms before an important meeting. Alternatively, visualize holding your palms in front of an open fire — a technique proven to raise the average palm's temperature by 3–4 degrees.

Positional power: the left-side advantage

When two leaders stand side by side for photographs, the one standing to the left of the picture is perceived as dominant, because it is easier to gain the Upper Hand from that side when they shake. John F. Kennedy intuitively understood this: he routinely stood on the left of a photograph and favored the Upper-Hand position. In the 1960 debate, radio listeners thought Nixon won while television viewers thought Kennedy did — a testament to how persuasive body language eventually won Kennedy the presidency. The same left-side advantage appears with Bill Clinton over Tony Blair, and leaders who approach from the right of the photograph walk straight into a dominant handshake.

Two-handed handshakes: the controllers

The Double-Hander ("the politician's handshake")

A corporate favorite delivered with direct eye contact, a reassuring smile, a confident repetition of the receiver's first name, and an earnest inquiry about his health. It increases physical contact and gives the initiator control by restricting the receiver's right hand. Sometimes called the politician's handshake, it tries to project trustworthiness — but used on someone just met, it has the reverse effect, leaving the receiver suspicious. About 90% of humans can throw the right arm across the body in an overarm blow for self-defense; the Double-Hander restricts this, which is why it should be used only where a personal bond already exists, such as greeting an old friend.

Handshakes of control — the depth-of-feeling thermometer

The initiator's left hand acts like a thermometer of intimacy: the farther up the receiver's arm it is placed, the more intimacy is signaled — and the more it invades personal space. In ascending order of intimacy and control:

| Two-handed hold | Relative intimacy / control | Acceptability | | --- | --- | --- | | Wrist Hold | Lowest of the four | Only where people feel close; enters the outer edge of personal space | | Elbow Grasp | More than the Wrist Hold | Only where people feel close; outer edge of personal space | | Upper-Arm Grip | High; may lead to a hug | Close intimacy; deep personal-space invasion | | Shoulder Hold | Highest; may lead to a hug | Close intimacy; deep personal-space invasion |

Unless the intimate feeling is mutual, the receiver will likely mistrust the initiator. The rule: with no personal bond, use only a single-handed handshake — and if someone gives you a two-hander without a genuine connection, look for the hidden agenda. Politicians greeting voters and businesspeople greeting clients with double-handers often commit political and business suicide without realizing it.

The Blair-Bush power game and its solution

During the 2003 Iraq conflict, George W. Bush and Tony Blair presented a "united and equal" image, but the photographs show strong power plays by Bush: he leans in to deliver the Upper Hand from the left of the picture, dressed as a Commander-in-Chief while Blair looks like a schoolboy meeting the headmaster, feet planted, using a Back Hold to control Blair. The solution if you find yourself on the right-of-picture: extend your arm early as you approach from a distance, forcing the other person to face you straight on so the handshake stays equal. When photos or video are being shot, always approach so you occupy the left-of-picture position; at worst, use a Double-Hander for equal footing.

The world's eight worst handshakes

Each of these carries a low credibility rating and should be avoided.

| # | Handshake | Rating | Signature and reading | | --- | --- | --- | --- | | 1 | The Wet Fish | 1/10 | Soft, flaccid, often cold or clammy; read as weak character because the palm turns over so easily; norm in some Asian and African cultures, where a firm grip can offend | | 2 | The Vise | 4/10 | Palm-down, one sharp downward pump then vigorous return strokes with a blood-stopping grip; a desire to dominate or take early control | | 3 | The Bone-Crusher | 0/10 | The most feared; the overly aggressive personality seizes the advantage and grinds the knuckles; no effective counter — calling it out ("Ouch, that really hurt") puts the offender on notice | | 4 | The Finger-Tip Grab | 2/10 | Misses the mark and grabs the fingers; despite apparent enthusiasm, signals a lack of self-confidence and a wish to keep distance; often a personal-space mismatch | | 5 | The Stiff-Arm Thrust | 3/10 | Like the Palm-Down Thrust; keeps you out of the user's personal space; common among aggressive types and people raised in rural areas with larger space needs | | 6 | The Socket-Wrencher | 3/10 | Grips the outstretched palm then yanks the receiver off balance into the initiator's territory; signals insecurity, smaller-space culture, or a wish to control | | 7 | The Pump Handle | 4/10 | Rhythmic rapid vertical strokes, strong rural overtones; some pumpers continue uncontrollably or keep holding to prevent escape | | 8 | The Dutch Treat | 2/10 | A stiffer, less clammy relative of the Wet Fish; named from the Dutch insult about "a handshake like a bunch of carrots," superseded among younger generations by the "Sloppy Dishcloth" |

The Bone-Crusher caution

If you are female, avoid wearing rings on your right hand in business encounters — the Bone-Crusher can draw blood and leave you opening negotiations in a state of shock. For the Finger-Tip Grab, take the other person's right hand with your left, place it correctly into your right, and say with a smile, "Let's try that again" — a move that builds credibility by showing you think the person is important enough to get the handshake right.

When men and women shake hands

Many male/female greetings still produce fumbling, because most men received basic handshake training from their fathers as boys while few women report the same. A man may reach first while the woman is still looking at his face; he withdraws, she reaches, and the result is a tangle of fingers. The fix is the same "Let's try that again" reset. A wise strategy for women in business is to give notice — hold the hand out early to signal the intention to shake and avoid any fumbling.

The Arafat-Rabin handshake

At the 1993 White House signing, Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and Palestinian Chairman Yassar Arafat shook hands while President Clinton stood center, taller, with an Arms-Spread-Open-Palms gesture reminiscent of a god presiding over his people and a restrained Half-Moon, lips-sucking smile. Rabin took the power position on the left of the picture and used a Stiff-Arm Thrust, leaning forward to keep Arafat out of his personal space, while Arafat stood erect and countered with a Bent-Arm-Pull-In — each man's feet planted, each trying to force the other out of his territory.

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